


Kalopsia

by jayfiend



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Derek, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2017-12-28 16:45:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayfiend/pseuds/jayfiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles can't handle Derek touching him anymore. Stiles/Derek</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> KALOPSIA
> 
> Summary: Stiles can't handle Derek touching him anymore.
> 
> Rating: NC-17
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and I do not intend to make a profit off this story. The characters described within belong to their respective creators.
> 
> Warnings: This story contains graphic descriptions of violence and will have explicit sex scenes in later chapters.

1

Derek and I hadn't had sex for months. It wasn't for lack of interest. Every time he touched me my whole body seized up and I couldn't continue. All my mind would let me see was him drowning in blood, covered in a hundred wounds, and dying in my arms.

It hadn't always been like this and it was hard to remember when it had changed. Maybe by growing used to watching him suffer I had subconsciously begun to always see him wounded and broken. Or it could have been that hardly a week had gone by without me having to watch him pull himself back together yet again as another person he’d pissed off decided to try and destroy him. It was getting unbearable.

Tonight when I went to bed Derek was already there. He was lying facing away from me. It looked like he was asleep, his chest was rising and falling gently in the night. But I knew better. I shrugged off my shirt and pants and slipped in beside him. I was careful to leave a few inches between us. It was close enough to feel the warmth from his body but far enough away that I couldn't feel his touch.

At the change of pressure on the mattress he slowly turned over and looked at me. I couldn't meet his eyes.  The guilt was overwhelming.  Even though I knew he didn't blame me and he told me he didn't mind, the guilt threatened to consume me. He reached out and stroked my arm. For a moment my mind didn't make the connection and I could enjoy it. Soon however it only felt like his touch was sticky with blood and his eyes were empty sockets sucking me into the darkness. I pulled away and flipped over so I was facing away from him. I felt him touch my back hesitantly and then pull away.

It made me feel like shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isaac was the first person to notice something was wrong between Derek and me. It made sense-his room was right next to ours and we weren't quiet when we had sex. Most of the time he was too polite to say anything. If it had been Peter, we'd never have heard the end of it.

I was trying to finish up my homework for one of my classes. When he sat down across from me at the kitchen table, I moved some of it so he could have space. We worked in silence for half an hour or so before he closed his book and looked at me. "Are things okay between you and Derek?"

Isaac and I were not close. He was still awkward and gangly and followed Scott and me around aimlessly like he needed direction. I tried to be nice to him because I knew he'd had a hard time of it but he still intimidated me somewhat. "Why?" I asked, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"It's been quieter at night. I can't smell him on you anymore." He tapped a pencil on his textbook. "And you both seem on edge."

"It's a rough patch, nothing to worry about." Isaac's eyes narrowed but he said nothing. "Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "Do you . . . have you smelled anyone else on Derek?"

He didn't say anything but examined my face carefully before answering. "No."

"Has he been acting differently?"

"You both have. You're both acting like something's going to blow up between you. That's why I asked." Isaac turned back to his reading. "This affects more than just you two you know. Derek has a whole pack to look after."

Now I was getting irritated. "I'm aware of that." He shrugged and we settled back to our respective tasks.

Derek came in a little later with some groceries. There was a moment when I thought he might have said something more than a grunted greeting but he put the groceries up and went to our room. I only got a brief glance out of him. It was hard to remember that months before we couldn’t take our eyes off each other.

Isaac gave me a penetrating look and then went off to his room. I didn't know if there was any point in trying to talk to Derek or not. We'd both tried to talk about it off and on but it never got resolved. Neither of us was good at talking about feelings. It was a wonder we had even gotten together at all. Somewhere in our fumbling along we had realized that we were better together than apart. And it had been good.  It had been really good. I wished I had some way of fixing things so it was that way again.

Derek was writing something in a notebook when I came into the room. He barely looked up. "We need to talk," I said. He closed the notebook and looked out the window. The weather outside mirrored our moods, it was misty and dark. The clouds seemed to be having problems deciding whether or not they wanted to let rain or the sun through. "I know things have been difficult lately.  I’m not sure why. For some reason I can't deal with you touching me."

Derek had a pained look on his face. "I know." His teeth worried at his lips. "It’s killing me," he whispered, swallowing heavily. He reached out and I wanted to take his hand so badly. Every muscle in my body wanted to reach out and take his hand, surely it couldn’t hurt?

I ignored the voice in my head screaming at me not to and took his hand. Everything seemed like it sprang to life. I must have been starved for human contact because even this slight taste of his skin had my whole body shuddering and ready to collapse into him.

As all things did, it quickly turned to shit. I watched his skin slowly slide to pieces from a thousand cuts.  His face became almost unrecognizable as blood spilled out from his mouth. I closed my eyes, I had to push through this, this wasn’t really happening. If I could just ride it out maybe it would be the way it used to be.

His lips tasted the same if I didn’t let myself think about who I was kissing. Once the thought that it was Derek entered my mind all was lost. I could only taste ash and the metallic tang of blood. The worst part was he could tell when it all changed.

He pulled back after a moment and pushed past me out of the room and then out of the apartment. I heard the door slam.

There is only so much a person can take. I crumbled. I had been trying so hard to keep it all together and now this.  I couldn't live like this. Therapy had done nothing. My therapist had said it was probably some kind of anxiety. The drugs they gave me did nothing except kill my libido and deaden my emotions-all of them, not just the bad ones. And Derek had stood by me through all of it. I couldn't keep on doing this to him, to myself.

I packed up all of my things and got ready to leave. Isaac came out of his room as I was making the last trip and hung back watching me. "You're leaving?"

"I'm going to stay with my dad for a while." He almost looked like he was going to cry. "I think it's better if Derek and I take a break."

"Better for you maybe." Isaac rubbed at his arm helplessly. His eyes were going completely dead inside. "Things got better here when you came along. Derek's mellowed. Peter's not as crazy and things felt right. No one's on edge." He looked away. "I haven't felt that safe in a while."

"You'll be fine. I'll still be around. You can stop by and visit if you want." Isaac still had the same hangdog look like his whole world was crashing down . . . again. "It'll be okay."

"If you say so."He slunk back into his room.

It had taken a long time for Isaac to forgive Derek for kicking him out. After Derek had apologized and explained what had happened he understood a little. He knew Derek had been trying to protect him. As always, Derek had just gone about it entirely the wrong way. So even though Isaac acted like all had been forgiven and that bygones were bygones he still acted like his whole world could collapse at any moment.

When I moved into the apartment with them Isaac seemed like he was opening up more. He wasn't as defensive and he didn't stay locked in his room the entire time.

This might break him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dad was really welcoming. I think he was lonely all by himself in the house without me. Going back home made me feel different somehow, less responsible, less like the weight of the world was coming down on my shoulders.  I didn’t really tell him what was going on, only that Derek and I were taking a break. He muttered something about me needing to focus more on school anyway. We both avoided talking about it after that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scott and Allison came by later that week. They had had their rough patches but always seemed to wind up back together no matter what happened. Both of them must have had a conversation about how to act around me because they avoided being as touchy-feely as they usually were.

"Hey Stiles. My mom said you were back home. Did something happen to your dad?" Scott asked, bounding up the front porch. Allison hung back. A constant thread through our adolescence was my frantic need to make sure that my dad was healthy and whole.

"No, I'm just back to visit for a while." I managed a smile. Allison gave me a look that showed she had noticed how strained it was but didn't say anything. "How are things with you guys?"

"Deaton's letting me work full-time for the summer. That should help me pay for next semester. He said he's going to start giving me more responsibilities." Scott, despite a bad sophomore year, had pulled his grades around enough that he was able to get into a decent college nearby. At the moment his plan was to become a veterinarian.

Allison stretched out on the porch steps. "My dad’s been showing me more of his business. Mostly the behind the scenes administrative stuff though, not the exciting things," she said. I nodded politely and let them talk about their own dramas.

After we’d started to exhaust the limits of polite superficial conversation Allison gave Scott's shoulder a squeeze and then went inside. We were all sitting on the porch watching the sun set. It was the first time in days that the sun had even been visible.

Once the door had shut Scott leaned over.  "So what's really going on? Isaac's been moping around my place because he doesn't want to go back to the apartment."

"Derek and I . . . I needed to take a break." Suddenly my shoes seemed really interesting. I picked at the laces. "It's nothing he did. It's all my fault."

Scott looked confused and didn't say anything until Allison got back. She was carrying three beers and gave one to each of us. I was thankful to have something to do with my hands. We talked about nothing until it was later than any of us realized. Scott rushed off, yelling back that he'd see me later. He almost acted like I was contagious. Allison lingered and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Whatever's going on it'll get better. If you want to talk to someone I'm around."

They drove off leaving me alone with my thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw Isaac at school the next day. He looked torn between ignoring me and clinging to me. My stomach twisted looking at him as he walked up to me. An expression of rage flashed over his face but passed as he came closer.

"Hey Isaac, are things okay?"

He answered woodenly. "I don't go home much. Derek isn't there most of the time but things feel different. It's empty."

"Why don't you come over tonight then? My dad would like the company and we usually have more food than both of us can eat." I don't even know why I offered but his eyes lit up and some of the fear went away.

"You really mean that?" he asked.

"I know it's weird coming from me, but I don't want you to suffer for something that's between Derek and me." I touched his arm briefly. "Stop by after school.  It’ll be okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I settled into a routine, go to school, hang out with Scott or Isaac a few nights a week, spend time with my dad, and work at my part time job. If I thought about Derek, I tried to dismiss it just as quickly. I thought if I didn't think about him my mind might reset itself back to the way things used to be. If Scott or Isaac tried to talk to me about him, I changed the subject. Only in therapy did I share my thoughts and memories about him. They were still just as mixed up and broken as before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day I found myself walking in the Beacon Hills Preserve. I'd made a conscious effort to avoid the forest. His domain was trees and the outside. I had tried to respect that. But something drew me to the woods. It must have been a subconscious desire to see him, to see if he was okay. Scott had said nothing had happened recently so at least Derek didn't have to deal with constant attacks on top of dealing with me. For once the weather was clear and sunny, making any excuses I had to not go outside pathetic.

All paths in the woods eventually lead to the Hale House, which now belonged to the county. They were constantly threatening to tear it down, but an anonymous donor always seemed to come forward to give enough money to keep it around. It was constantly covered with no trespassing signs and graffiti. I had asked Derek about it once when he seemed in a relatively talkative mood and he lied and said that he hadn't considered it home since he had come back. Still I would often find him hanging around it as if he was waiting for something.

The house was open to the elements and rotting down into itself. The fire had blackened the siding and now it was slowly being taken over by mold and moss. I wondered how long it would be before the house collapsed in on itself. I sat down on the sagging front porch. Forest noises swept over me and I let myself become wrapped up in the earthy smell all around me.

The sun had started to set when Derek emerged from the trees. Thankfully he looked much as he had when I'd gone. He did look like he hadn't been taking care of himself but that could have been a result of him training the members of his pack. I don't think I could have stood it if he had suffered even more because of me. He looked like he’d lost weight but hadn’t bought new clothes to disguise it. There was a feral quality to his gaze.

We didn't say anything to each other. He stood in the woods and I sat on the porch. It seemed like there was an invisible line between us that we couldn't cross. Finally Derek nodded at me and turned to go. It took a moment for my brain and body to catch up with each other and I ran after him. "Derek, don’t!" My feet crashed through the leaves as I raced toward him. He could have run away or snarled at me but he stopped and waited for me to catch up. He was biting back a stronger emotion and had his head angled down to the ground. I didn't touch him. I stopped in front of him.

"Don't do this to me," he finally choked out.

I reached out hesitantly and touched his arm. For a moment I thought he was going to collapse. Instead he met my eyes. It was as if he was preparing to hear the worst. When nothing seemed like it was happening I rubbed his arm and held on. Goosebumps spread up his skin and he shivered. "Are you okay?" I asked, swallowing down the urge to cry.

He shook his head. For a moment I thought he would try to touch me more but he restrained that urge and was passive.

"I missed you. Are you feeling better?" His voice sounded so full of cautious hope.

"I don't know. I'm trying." I forced myself to move forward and hug him. This would be the first time I'd done it in months. He was solid and warm, though where there had been muscle was mostly bone. I felt like he would stand there forever if I told him to. I slowly deepened the hug, moving my hands on his back. Nothing had happened. Maybe things were getting better. He let me hold him for a minute.

Then he put his head on my shoulder. "Please just tell me if you want me to stay or not," he whispered. "I'll understand."

I took a chance and pulled away a little and turned to face him. I touched his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. I waited a moment, sure that any minute he would start to bleed and decay. Nothing happened.

So I kissed him.

At first he was surprised and kept his lips closed. Then he realized what was happening and they softened. He still didn't touch me, maybe not believing that it was true or that it could last.

I was almost overwhelmed with the explosion of repressed longing. I gripped him hard around the waist, pulling him so close I never wanted to part. He did nothing until I grabbed one of his hands and put it around me. He was breathing heavily into my mouth and when we pulled apart he gasped for air. I tried to slip a hand under his shirt. His eyes were turning red and I could feel his claws starting to grow. He pulled away though I knew it must have pained him.

"That's . . . that's enough for now. It's all too fast." He pulled away and stepped back. He rubbed at the bridge of his nose.

I wanted to keep doing more but I knew why he stopped. It was best not to push things beyond the limit and go slow. "OK, I'm sorry. I'll see you later then."

Derek grabbed my hand then and wouldn't let go. "Please Stiles. Stay the night with me. We don't have to do anything just come back." He was desperate and it showed.

I could barely control myself. I wanted to touch all of the places I had forgotten and rediscover his body again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter was there when we got back to Derek's apartment. He sneered when he saw me. "Did you get lost on the way home?" Derek slammed him into the refrigerator. "Oh, hit a nerve? I'll leave you two to work it out." He picked up his laptop and then went to his room.

I stood awkwardly by waiting for Derek to invite me in. He finally noticed and beckoned me in. "He'll probably stay in his room the rest of the night. It's fine."

Derek’s bed was still awkwardly placed in one of the larger rooms of his apartment. I remembered feeling like everyone could see us when we slept together. Now there was a screen folded up next to it. He blushed slightly as he set it up. It had been a point of contention between us. I didn't want to sleep like that, but he'd said he'd had enough of sleeping confined and alone. His concession on this point was telling.

"I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself at home." He disappeared into the bathroom. It was nothing more than a closet that someone had installed a shower and toilet into without much care.

I took off my hoodie and laid it down on the couch. Then I flopped down on the bed. I remembered how long it had taken to get to reach this point before. Derek was reluctant to start anything, especially a romantic relationship, and he had a hard time believing that people who showed an interest weren't trying to hurt him. It had taken months but we'd worked through some of it and then tried to be as patient as we could with each other. And now we'd go through it all again. I wasn't sure if we could do it this time.

Derek's shower seemed to last forever. The water shuddered through the pipes. I knew from experience that it took forever to get any hot water. When he finally came out, he'd toweled off as best he could and he had put on a T-shirt and pants. He looked a lot more vulnerable when he didn't have all of his accessories-the leather jacket, the sunglasses, the Camaro. 

He turned off the light and climbed into the bed next to me. We laid next to each other in silence for a while. Finally he rolled over onto his side facing me. There was a little light from the surrounding buildings so I could see the reflection in his eyes. He reached out slowly and touched my arm. I shivered.

~~~~~~~

My mind went back to the first time we'd done this. He'd invited me over after we'd hung out a few times. I'd been to his apartment before with Scott so I was mindful of where things were. Isaac and Peter weren't around so when I suggested that I stay over Derek didn't resist as much as he might have. We'd only kissed twice-hurried, snatched kisses after escaping certain death. Now he was almost shy about it.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He continued stroking my arm but did not get any closer. "This is something you're serious about, right?" he whispered.

I almost laughed at him until I saw the expression on his face. He wasn’t joking. "Yes, I'm serious about this if you are." I leaned in to kiss him and he met me halfway. It was different here.  We actually had time to enjoy them instead of snatching kisses when no one was looking. His lips were surprisingly soft and he gave me three light kisses for every deep one until I thought I was going to explode with lust. My hands went to his shirt and started to slip underneath it. He stopped me. I didn't get it, he looked like he wanted the same thing I did.

"I can't. I don't want to go too fast, okay? I want to, but I just can't right now." He kissed me again.

"Okay, that's fine. You want to take things slow." I tried to hide my disappointment and look on the bright side. It had to be better the longer we waited, it would be such a release of tension. "Do you want me to leave?"

He shook his head violently. "No, no. I want you to stay. I'm not ready to do anything more yet." We wound up sleeping all tangled together so tightly it was hard to tell where each of us began or ended.

As time passed, he told me about Kate and all his hang-ups and doubts came to light. It was good.

It wasn't like now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now he held my hand and I looked up at the ceiling hoping that when I looked at him I wouldn't see death and destruction. So it took me a while to risk it. He was outlined against the moonlight. I thought that for a moment we had recaptured that first night, that uncertainty and that promise. Time stretched out and he still looked the same. His face had the same wary expression he usually had when he wasn't sure which way things were going.

I turned to face him. His grip on my hand tightened. Things had to be okay, I let hope fill my heart. I pulled the blanket tighter around myself and curled up against his chest. His heart thundered in his breast. I'm sure mine was racing just as fast. We stayed like that for a moment and then Derek moved one of his legs between mine. I responded by moving closer, holding him tighter. My cock was starting to get hard but this wasn't about sex or getting off. It was about getting comfortable with each other again. He kissed the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispered.

I pulled away slightly and then shifted so I could see his face. I could count the number of times we'd said these words to each other and it wouldn't even take up the fingers of one hand. "I love you too.  You know that right?" He nodded.

We slept.


	2. Chapter 2

2

Scott called a week or so later. It was late at night and my dad was out on patrol so I had the house to myself. Derek and I were better but we were taking things slowly, trying to treat every experience as a new one, a fresh start.

And then my phone rang.

"Stiles, can you get to the vet clinic as quick as you can? Derek...he's not doing so good." Scott was out of breath and in the background I could hear the muffled sounds of a struggle.

My mouth went dry and it took a moment to gather my thoughts. "What happened?"

"Something attacked him in the woods. Isaac and I got there as soon as we felt it but whatever it was had left and he's...he's bad Stiles. Deaton's trying to patch him up but he's not healing as fast as he needs to. You should be here, you need to be here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I drove like I didn't care. Everything was a messed up blur. I'm sure I went through a few red lights and almost caused multiple accidents. I was driving too fast to think about what had happened. Was it another pack of alphas? Or was it something even worse? The last time something like this had happened we had been younger and unprepared. I wanted to believe that we were better now. We could handle anything.

The vet clinic was set far back from the road. I could see Derek's Camaro parked haphazardly in the parking lot. One of the doors was open. The brief glimpse I had of the interior only made my heart jump into my throat. There was blood everywhere. I closed the door as I went past and ran inside the clinic.

All I could hear was Derek screaming. I never heard him yell, no matter how much he'd been hurt. This must be bad. No one was out front in the counseling area. There was a trail of blood on the floor like something had been dragged inside. I followed it to the surgical room. The metallic blood smell grew and grew. I could hear a banging sound of metal on metal. "Scott, hold him down!" Deaton yelled.

I opened the door to the operating room. There was a flurry of movement. Everything was jerky and disconnected. Scott and Isaac were trying to hold Derek down. He'd already been handcuffed to the table as best they could. That was the metal sound. Deaton was struggling to get Derek to settle down enough so he could touch him.

Derek's torso was wrong. All I could see was a bloody mess of muscle and bone that didn't make sense. I couldn't look at it for long. Then Derek saw me. Blood was spattered across his face. "Get him out of here!  He can't see this!" He screamed louder and fought harder against them holding him down.

Isaac looked at me, silently pleading for me to wait outside. I was transfixed. I didn't see how he could possibly pull himself together again-not after this. So I stepped forward. "Get out of here!!" Derek snarled, his eyes going red and his fangs growing out. The handcuffs holding his wrists to the tablet almost threatened to break and Scott and Isaac had to start to change in order to contain him.

Then Deaton injected the sedative. Derek still fought for a moment or so more but then the resistance left his body and he flopped down on the table. Scott withdrew almost immediately, but Isaac held on until Deaton said it was okay. "Stiles, maybe you should wait outside," he said looking at Scott with desperate eyes. Scott nodded and turned to me. Isaac wouldn't let go of Derek. I almost wanted to hit him for that in a burst of jealousy.

Even though he was unconscious Derek was still twitching in pain. Scott tried to pull me into the other room but I pushed past him and grabbed Derek's hand. It was limp and sticky with blood. I gripped it tightly. "It'll be okay." I whispered. Then I let Scott pull me aside. Isaac nodded at me and tried to put on a brave smile. The door closed behind me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My stomach felt like a writhing mass of snakes twisting inside me. I wanted to cry but Scott was sitting there watching me and I wanted to keep my composure out of some misguided feeling of machismo."What happened?" My voice was strained and it cracked.

Scott was still half changed and his teeth almost looked too large for his mouth. He stood in front of the door to the operating room wincing at the sounds that he was able to hear. "When we found him he wasn't really in much condition to say anything. I smelled someone different and there were some huge footprints nearby. We would have followed them but Derek..." He gestured to himself.

His clothes were covered with so much blood. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air and tried to calm down. Had my visions of Derek been a premonition? I grabbed onto the arms of the chair as if I thought it was going to fly away. I hated this feeling of absolute powerlessness and guilt.

"Do you think he's going to make it?" I asked after an uncomfortable stretch of silence. He wouldn't look at me.

"I think it'll be okay. It's Derek-he's probably been hurt way worse than this before." He must have seen how upset I was because he put a hand on my shoulder. "Deaton's fixing him up, it'll be okay."

I put my head in my hands. This was going to take a while. "Y..you should go see if Deaton needs any help."

Scott looked at me closer before nodding and heading back in. That's when I allowed myself to cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isaac came out later and sat a few chairs down from me. He looked like he was going to collapse from exhaustion. He flexed his hands and sighed. "Deaton says he's done all he can for now. You can go in."

I nodded. "Thanks, Isaac."

The doors pushed open and I had to pause before going in. Deaton was standing by the sink washing his hands. The heavy metallic stench of blood was in the air.

"He can stay here the night, then tomorrow you can take him back to his apartment if he's stable." He sighed and wiped the sweat off his forehead. "It's going to take a while for him to recover."

Derek was still chained to the table, his hands dangling over the side. His chest and stomach were had been wound up and held together with gauze and surgical tape. I didn't want to think about what was underneath, how with a touch it could all slide apart again. His arms were covered in bandages too, but those wounds were minor-they hadn't received the brunt of the attack.

There was a fine line of tension on his face and sweat ran down his brow. He still twitched in pain periodically. A few splotches of blood were smeared on his cheeks and neck. I found an alcohol swab and wiped his face clean. His eyes briefly opened and focused on me. They were shifting between red and green. His hand moved in the cuffs almost imperceptibly. His lips moved and I barely heard what he was trying to say. "I'm sorry."

I wanted to punch him then. His martyr complex took him over sometimes. It was the thing that pushed him to take risks and responsibilities that weren't his own. No amount of telling him it wasn't his fault would get him to stop. He'd let the whole world beat on him and take it as his due. I hated that about him. Now wasn't the time for that. Instead I ran my hand through his hair and whispered, "It's not your fault. Now rest and get better, okay?"

There was a bleary mumbled assent and then he was out again. Deaton came up behind me. "You should go home and try to get some rest. I'll watch him tonight." I thanked him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scott and Isaac drove me home. They both offered to stay and I let them. We watched mindless TV until they passed out in sheer exhaustion. I stayed awake, watching the late night talk shows dissolve into infomercials. All I could think about was whether or not he was going to recover. The werewolf healing powers had to have limits and he pushed them over and over and over again. Something had to give.

As soon as the sun rose in the morning I got the keys to my Jeep and got ready to head out. Scott met me by the front door. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"I'll call you if I need help. You guys can crash here if you want. My dad's not gonna be back for a while." He nodded.

"It's going to be okay Stiles."

I wished I could believe him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deaton was at the clinic when I got there. It didn't look like he had slept. He gave me the keys to the restraints and patted my hand. "I checked on him this morning and it seemed like he was conscious. Don't let him push himself too hard."

I wanted to laugh at that, laugh or cry. Derek's whole persona was about pushing himself too far. Maybe it was compensating for when he was weak when he was younger.

Derek was still in the same position as he had been yesterday. He didn't move as I came closer to the table. I touched his shoulder gently. His face was still beaded with sweat and his skin was extremely pale. He started to wake up a bit, his eyes dilating and adjusting to the light. He tried to raise his head but he couldn't. "Stiles?" he groaned, trying to move his hands. I don't think he could have even without the restraints.

"It's me." The key didn't fit in the lock the first time and it took me what felt like forever to get them open. I grabbed his hands and squeezed them reassuringly. "How are you feeling?"

Derek's eyes were bleary. "It hurts." He made a weak gesture to the bandages. "I can barely breathe." Then a flash of pain pushed through him  and it seemed like all the muscles in his body tensed. The spasm seemed to last a long time and left him spent.

Deaton came into the room then. "Can't you give him anything for the pain?" I asked. Derek had grabbed my hand so tightly until I was sure the bones would break.

"I have, but his metabolism is so fast it doesn't last long." I watched helplessly as Derek twisted in agony. His claws started to come out and they dug into my hand. I let him even though it hurt and it drew blood.

"Are you sure he can go home?" I asked. It didn't seem likely, though he’d said that Derek was healing.

"No, he probably shouldn't be moved, but I can't keep him here." Deaton looked at me appraisingly. "I think you'll be able to take care of him. If you need any help, just call me."  That was a lot of responsibility to take on all at once. My stomach was tied up in knots-could I do this? Derek's claws were still digging into my hand

When it seemed like the wave of pain had passed I tried to see if I could get his attention. "Derek? Do you want to go home?"

His eyes flicked open wearily. "No pain?" Deaton shook his head sadly. I forced myself to smile.

"Deaton's given you all he can for the pain. Once you get back to your apartment you can rest." I tried to extricate my hand from his grip so I could help him get up. It was almost like trying to move a dead body. He wasn't able to help at all. He let me guide him into a sitting position with his legs hanging off the table. Then I realized I wasn't going to be able to get him to the car by myself.

Scott came in then with a wheelchair. He gave us an awkward smile. "I borrowed one from the hospital. Figured you might need it."

I wanted to collapse in relief. With Scott's help I was able to get Derek into the wheelchair and then into my Jeep. Deaton handed me a bag full of first aid supplies and said to call later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek wavered between delirium and unconsciousness. At least he had stopped screaming. I had driven as slowly as I could but there were still potholes that I couldn't avoid. He would gasp or cry out in pain every time we went over them. Scott tried his best to keep Derek quiet and keep him from moving. It took some doing but Scott and I got Derek up to the apartment and into his bed. Isaac had gotten there first and had things arranged so it was relatively easy to maneuver.

After making sure Derek was comfortable I met up with Scott and Isaac in Isaac's room because it was one of the few enclosed places in the apartment. Isaac hadn't unpacked much of the stuff that he'd brought the last time he'd moved here. It was all boxed up or in bags that overflowed on the floor. He'd at least managed to drag up a bed frame and mattress. He and Scott were sitting on it waiting for me. For a brief moment my heart was full of gratitude. I didn't deserve friends like this.

Scott looked at me expectantly "Are you going to be okay by yourself? I don’t want to leave but Allison asked me to pick her up after class."

"You've done enough already. I'll call you later and let you know how he's doing." He jumped up and almost ran out of the room. Isaac and I watched him go.

"You can go too if you want," I said.

He shrugged and sighed. "I still live here, so I can watch him if you need help. Or I can go."

"Thanks Isaac."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek had barely moved on the bed by the time I came back into the room. He was lying on his side holding his stomach protectively. From time to time he shivered in pain. I slipped into bed next to him and pulled out the bandages I'd brought so I could cover the gashes he'd left on my hand. I busied myself applying antibiotic ointment and wrapping it up. When I had finished I noticed Derek staring at me.

"Did I hurt you?" he whispered, reaching out for me weakly.

"Not on purpose. It's fine." I touched him gently. He was burning with fever, even hotter than he usually was. "You should sleep. You need to keep your energy up."

He inhaled a sharp hiss of breath. "Hurts..."

I put an arm around him. "I know. I can give you something if you want but it's not going to last long."

Derek put his hands over mind and held on tightly. His claws started to gouge into my hand again which made me pull back unconsciously. He twisted and turned in pain. I decided that enough was enough, he needed some pain medication now. Deaton had shown me what to do. I injected it into him and watched as he slowly relaxed and released my hand. "Better?" I asked.

"Better." He closed his eyes.

I assumed that due to his werewolf healing he had never had to deal with pain for very long and this situation was difficult for him. If pain only came in short bursts it could be almost like pleasure, a shot of strong feeling that soon dissipated. Pain that lingered was different. I doubted that he'd ever had to experience it before.

After it seemed like he had gone to sleep I slowly crept out of the room and headed for the kitchen. This was probably as good a time as any to make an attempt at doing my homework. School unfortunately was still a factor and I couldn't ignore it even if I wanted to.

Peter was there. He sneered at me. "You know whatever attacked him is just going to come back to finish the job."

I wanted to punch him. "Can't you have a little bit of sympathy for him? He's still not out of the woods yet."

"I do feel sympathy for him, but all of this is going to get us all in danger when it comes back."

"We don't even know what happened for sure so maybe you could wait to damn us all." I snapped. "Why are you still hanging around here anyway?"

If anything I said made him shift to a different emotion he didn't let it show. "I'm still here because it's a little difficult to rent an apartment or get a job when you're dead." He smoothed the front of his shirt and then started to unbutton it.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I hissed, trying to keep as quiet as I could.

"Come on Stiles. You're not my type. I needed to show you something."

"I don't think I really want to..."

Peter pulled his shirt open. Scars crisscrossed his abdomen. Some of them looked old and faded but there was a massive web of half-healed claw marks all over his torso. "Ever since I came back it's been like this. He gets hurt and I get stuck with the consequences."

"What if he dies?"

"I die." He slowly rebuttoned his shirt. "So, now you know I'm not going to kill him so I can become the alpha again. It's not in my interest to hurt him."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" This seemed like something he would have mentioned before to hold over me.

"I've already told Derek. It wasn't really any of your business." He started to leave the kitchen. "Maybe now you'll think twice about killing me."

"You never said if it worked both ways."

He put a finger to his lips and smiled. "That'll be my secret." How I hated having to deal with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I gave Derek a few hours to rest.  Whenever I looked in on him he seemed like he actually was sleeping. I had time to finish off my homework and do the reading for the weeks to come. I tried to pay attention and take my time with it but my mind was constantly on how he was doing. Finally I had to stop. There was no way I'd be able to concentrate like this. When I went back to check on him again he was awake.

It seemed like Derek was maybe feeling a little better, he wasn't clutching at himself at least. It seemed like he was more relaxed. He looked up when I came in.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked.

Derek slowly turned over and tried to sit up. "Whatever you gave me took some of the edge off." He rubbed at his eyes. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yeah, I don't have class today and Deaton didn't think you should be alone." I sat next to him on the bed and moved some pillows behind his back.

Derek ran his hands over the bandages gently and then looked at me. "It's not healing like it should."

"Do you remember what happened at all?" I asked. "Maybe whatever it was did something to you." I took a chance and unwrapped part of the bandages that covered his arm. The wounds there were healing but not with the speed that he was used to. The cuts were inflamed and warm. I covered them back up again. At least they weren't black.

Derek looked troubled and stared off into the distance. "I don't know what it was. It came from behind and for some reason I couldn't hear or smell it. It knocked me down and tried to tear me apart," he said softly. It had to have been hard for him to admit that he had been surprised. He prided himself on always behind the one to sneak up on others.

"It was werewolves, right?" He shrugged.

"I don't know. It was big and it had white eyes." He closed his eyes. "There wasn't a chance to see more."

"Do you want me to see if Scott and Isaac can look for it?" He shook his head wearily.

"I can't think straight right now and I don't want anyone else to get hurt." That was fair. It didn't mean I wouldn't try to figure it out what was going on. He winced and clutched his side. "I think I'm going to try to sleep some more," he whispered.

I left him alone then. Isaac was in the kitchen washing dishes. He nodded at me in acknowledgment. "I can watch him for a while if you want to take a break," he offered. I almost hugged him

"That'd be great actually. I've got something to take care of."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This is where we found him." Scott said, gesturing to a clearing in the middle of the woods that almost looked like any other. As I stared at it though it became clear it hadn't always been that way. It was full of trees and plants that had been trampled as if a huge creature had come through. Allison prodded at some leaves with one of her arrows and shrugged. "I couldn't really smell anything off when we found him."

I'd asked Scott if he could show me where the attack happened. Allison was with him when I called and since she had a lot more training with tracking she tagged along. She paced around the rough area that Scott had shown us. I tried to keep out of the way. I could see a rough outline where there might have been blood at one time but for all I knew it was something else entirely. A little closer examination revealed a campfire that had been doused with water and stamped out. Had there been someone else here?

"I think I found something!" Allison called out. Scott and I took care about where we stepped as we rushed over to her. There was a large print on the forest floor that looked like a paw print. It was much larger than anything I'd seen before. She pulled out her cellphone and took a picture. "I'll send it to my dad and see if he recognizes it."

Scott walked around the footprint looking for more. Allison went the opposite way. I tried to look for any clues that showed it might have been something other than a werewolf but came up with nothing.

They found a few more tracks that led off the trail a little bit and then disappeared.

Allison's phone beeped. "My dad's comparing it with some animal prints right now." She rubbed at her forehead. "I think it might be an animal, not a person."

"An animal?"

She nodded. " I don't see anything that makes it look like it's supernatural."

I walked around in the leaves carefully. "How many times have we thought it was something else?! Do you really think an animal is going to surprise Derek?!"

Allison sighed. "Fine, have it your way. It was a werebear." She walked along for a few more feet pointing out the tracks that they led away. Then they stopped, disappearing into the mud and muck of the forest. "They're gone."

Scott tried to pick up a scent but there were apparently too many to choose from. We went home defeated and tired. Maybe we'd never find out what happened. Maybe we'd always be picking up the pieces.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isaac met me at the door when I got back. "I had to give him something for the pain but it's not working. Deaton came by and said that there's nothing else we can do." His face was a mixture of worry and fear. Maybe at one time he'd wished this on Derek for casting him out. I didn't blame him. Instead I nodded at him and went off to see Derek.

He was twisting and turning on the bed, his skin dripping with sweat and his body starting to turn into the wolf. His claws ripped through the sheets. I ran to him and tried to hold him down. "Derek, calm down, I'm here. It'll be okay!" I lied to him and I hated it. He fought my hands so I soon found myself straddling him and holding him down. His eyes burned into mine with an almost unholy fire. At any moment he could have thrown me off but he didn’t.

It took what felt like hours for him to stop struggling. His expression slipped into a weary acceptance. "Stiles?"

"Yeah, it’s me." I kissed his forehead. "Do you need me to break your wrist so you can start healing?" I thought he was going to start crying. To distract him I kissed him again, running my hand slowly down his side. "Bad idea, I’m sorry." I continued stroking his chest, then his face, trying in vain to get him to settle down. Derek’s breathing was harsh and rasped through his lungs.

"I’m healing...it’s just...wrong..." he whispered in his delirium. "Taking too long." I wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

"I know, but you can make it. It’ll be a little bit longer." I had to get his mind on something else. "After you get better we should take a trip somewhere. The others can take over watching Beacon Hills for a while." He winced again and I grabbed his hand. "Please hang on."

Derek’s grip was so strong I thought he was going to crush my hand. "I’m sorry, I’m not used to this," he gasped.

"Try not to think about it." I knew that advice would ring hollow because Derek’s whole existence was about prolonging pain for as long as possible, for martyring himself on the altar of self-sacrifice.

We stayed together and rode through the worst of it until he finally relaxed and the tension left his muscles. I slumped off of him. The whole room smelled of sickness and decay. I needed to change the sheets at some point but I had no energy right now.

"You need to eat something," I said finally.

He shook his head. "Tired."

"I know, but you’ll feel even worse if you don’t eat." I helped him prop himself up in bed. "I’ll get something easy to eat and then you can sleep as long as you want, okay?"

Somehow I scrounged up some chicken broth and forced him to finish a bowl of it. He almost fell asleep over the bowl but was able to stop himself. I wound up staying the night with him sleeping curled up against my chest.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

It took a week before he was strong enough to leave the apartment. Derek’s chest was still a web of reddened skin and scars. He couldn’t walk for long periods of time yet either. Deaton said he should be fully recovered by the end of the month. I was amazed he was going to recover at all.

Since Derek wasn’t going to be able to help defend Beacon Hills anyway I convinced him that we should get away for a weekend. For once he didn’t argue about it and he went along with my idea. It helped that everyone else had promised that they were going to take care of anything that happened.

I didn’t have enough money for anything fancy so I reserved a room in a cheap hotel a few hours away. Sightseeing and goofing off wasn’t the point of this adventure. Relaxing was. And maybe reconnecting again.

The hotel room was cramped and poorly maintained. Everything in the room that wasn’t the bed was covered with a fine layer of dust and grime. The TV was a relic from another time that boasted four channels. Everything smelled of age and disuse. From the door I could tell that the bathroom was an afterthought, it was almost exactly as ramshackle as the one at Derek’s apartment. The bed was full of its own secrets, as the comforter was discolored and stained from what I hoped was bleach. It made me feel disgusted just looking at it. Derek took one look at the bed and flopped down on top of the comforter. I had to swallow my distaste before joining him. If he could ignore it so could I. I figured if there was anything too horrible there he’d let me know.

"Sorry I couldn’t afford anything better." I muttered into the din of the air conditioner.

He looked at me strangely then hit me in the side. "You have been to my apartment, right?"

I started laughing. "Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point."

He sighed. "Fancy places are too sterile for me." The word brought to mind hospitals and that was exactly what I didn’t want to think about right now.

"I would’ve thought all the smells would be distracting."

"Not if I don’t let them." He rolled over slightly and nuzzled into my neck. "I’d rather smell you." The feeling of his breath against my pulse twisted through my body and settled at my groin. It’d been so long. Then I almost exploded when he licked my throat.

"This isn’t too fast, is it?" I asked. My fingers slowly traveled over his chest.

"No," Derek whispered. We both started to take off our shirts. His chest was covered with a fine web of scars. There were a few bandages where things hadn’t closed up completely yet. I avoided those and traced the fine lines of his injuries. He let me. It was weird to feel the scars, usually his skin was soft and smooth, now it was covered with reminders of how fragile he truly was. He started to put his shirt back on. "Sorry, I know they’re gross." He looked away from me.

I grabbed his cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. His lips parted almost instantly and our tongues touched. It seemed like the release of months of stress was on the horizon, a relief even better than an orgasm. "You’re fine however you are."

"I don’t want things to change again," he said, "I don’t want you to see me like that. I couldn’t stand you not wanting to touch me again." I licked a trail along his collarbone.

"I think I’m over it," I said, "I don’t know what made it happen but I think I’m over it." I bit down hard on his neck. His heartbeat fluttered beneath my tongue.

"If you’re sure . . . I don’t want to push you." My finger followed the scars down to his bellybutton and then landed on his cock. The moan he gave was low and desperate. He gasped as I undid his belt and then freed his cock. It was hard already. "Please . . ."

"I thought you wanted to go slow." I panted. Derek was busy pulling my cock out and palming it with his hand. His eyes had started to flash red in the darkness. I loved how I could make him lose control so completely. No matter how much he tried to maintain it I was always able to push through.

Derek shook his head and slowly pushed himself on top of me. For a brief moment our cocks touched and I saw stars. He must have felt it too because when he started to pull down my pants I could feel his claws dragging across my skin. He rose up slightly to get rid of the rest of our clothing and then settled down kneeling on my legs.

Even with the healing injuries he was still physically imposing. The scars only obscured the lines of his clearly defined muscles. I touched his legs and started to run my hands up his sides. He pushed them back down. Then he slid down the bed and before I knew it he was licking at my cock. "Derek. . ." I hissed. He descended. My cock was surrounded in warmth. It was almost impossibly hard. For a moment my mind tried to remember how long it had been since we’d done this. It seemed like it was so long ago. The way it felt made me regret we’d ever had to stop.

Derek ran his tongue up the underside of my cock and then placed a kiss on the tip. I grabbed onto his head and tried to maintain some control over what he was doing. It was all in vain as he only increased the pace in order to drain me dry. My eyes kept wanting to slide closed when what I really wanted, no needed, was to see him.

Finally my resolve faltered and I gave myself over to the sensations. I didn’t know how much longer I could last. And he wasn’t slowing down. His mouth was heaven. I wanted to stay like this forever.

And as quickly as it started it stopped. I came in his mouth. Derek swallowed it as best he could and wiped off the excess. He kept a hand on my leg as I came down from my orgasm. It took forever to catch my breath. He went into the bathroom and rinsed out his mouth.

I settled down in bed and waited for him to return. When he did he slipped in beside me. I put an arm around him. "You didn’t get to come."

Derek shook his head. "It’s okay. I’m too tired right now." He kissed me on the cheek. "We can do something later."

"It’s not too much too soon is it?" I knew chances were it was, knowing him. But he would never admit it.

"No, it’s just been a long day." Any other time I would have pushed it but I didn’t. Our weekend away didn’t need to start out like this.

I held him until his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. I prayed that nothing bad would happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I was woken up by the sound of water running in the bathtub. I hadn’t slept very much. The combination of the noise of the air conditioner and the dank smell in the room combined to bring up strange dreams and nightmares. My mind had brought up images of the creature that had attacked him. For an instant I thought I could see it. It was all sharp claws and fierce teeth. And eyes that shone white in the gloom. Then pain overwhelming everything. I had rolled over on top of my arm sometime in the night. It buzzed with nervous energy as the blood flow returned.

My body felt like it was covered in a layer of dried sweat. It wasn’t a great feeling. I peeled myself out of bed and headed into the bathroom. We’d taken showers together before and I didn’t think he’d mind doing something similar today.

His clothes were neatly folded in the corner. The wastebasket was full of bandages he’d ripped off before getting in the bathtub. They were still bloody. He’d pulled the shower curtain closed so all I saw of him was a shadow.  I paused.

"Is it okay if I come in?" I asked. I hoped I wouldn’t find him passed out in the bathtub.

Derek opened the curtain. The wounds on his side had scabbed over but they were still there. He noticed me staring and covered them with a hand. I pretended not to notice. There was just barely room enough for the both of us. He shifted a little so we each had about half of the tub to ourselves. The water was tepid. "Good morning," he said.

"Good morning." His skin was soft and slick with water as I touched his knees. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, did you?" Derek still kept a hand over his injuries. I decided not to talk about it until later.

"Not really. I had a couple of nightmares."

"About what?"

"About the creature that attacked you." He put his head in his hands for a moment and then tried to get out of the bathtub. I grabbed his arm and tried to make him stay. "Please don’t. I can stop talking about it."

When he looked back at me I almost thought he was going to cry. He stayed half in and half out of the tub for a moment and then relented and rejoined me. "We probably should talk about it. It’s all mixed up in my mind. I don’t know how much help I’ll be."

I tightened my grip on his arm. "Nobody else has been hurt by it so maybe it moved on."

"I wish I remembered what it looked like."

"Maybe it’s better that way." I wasn’t sure exactly how, but surely anything was better than this.

Derek laughed. "Do you know what Scott asked me? He asked me if I’d done it to myself." His hand still covered up the wound on his side.

"Well he always says whatever comes into his head first." I put a hand on his leg.

"But what if it’s true? What if I just can’t remember?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Scott called later on that day. "Did you make it there okay?" he asked. Derek and I had wandered around the nearby nature preserve for most of the day before he’d told me that he needed to run off some of his excess energy. I didn’t mind having some time apart from him. The conversation from the morning still bothered me.

"Yeah, it wasn’t too busy on the drive up here. How’re things back home?"

"Fine. Isaac and I have been trying to scout out the woods but we haven’t found anything. There haven’t been any other attacks."

"That’s good. Is my dad okay?"

"I think so. He hasn’t asked for help with anything."

"Good . . . Well I’ll see you next week then."

"Stiles. . . Allison’s dad doesn’t know what made that print we found. He thinks it might not be real."

I looked out across the hotel parking lot. It ended at a patch of scraggly trees that obscured the sounds from the highway. "Did he see a shoe print in the picture we sent him or something?"

Scott was quiet for a while. "Are you sure Derek didn’t do it to himself?"

I had a sudden urge to throw my phone as far away from me as possible. The only thing that stopped me was that if I broke it it would be the third phone I’d had to replace this year. "I believe him Scott. I don’t think he would have been able to do this to himself. Maybe whatever it was left."

"I hope so. I’ll let you know if I turn up anything."

"Alright, bye." Doubt had settled in my stomach like a rock. I hated how other people’s doubts affected me. I knew there was no way he had done it to himself but even the slight possibility made my stomach lurch.

Derek appeared out of the forest and walked toward me. A frown settled on his face the closer he came. "What’s wrong?"

"Scott asked me if you made it all up." I almost thought he was going to punch a hole in the wall.

"Do you believe him?" he asked quietly. His mask of control had settled over his face and the tension was palpable. I hated that he closed himself off like this, that even after all this time we couldn’t trust ourselves not to hurt each other.

"No. I don’t." I got up from the chair by the window and grabbed his arm. "We came here to stop thinking about it, remember? I believe you, isn’t that enough?" I kissed him.

He nodded. The mask slowly left his face. "I’m sorry. I know you’re on my side."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night when he took the bandages off all of his wounds had scarred over and almost healed. Derek touched them gingerly as if he wasn’t sure what was happening was real. I followed his touches with my finger, tracing each line to where they converged. There was no way he could have done this to himself, they were too far apart.

Our eyes met. It had been so long since we’d been able to do anything that I’d almost forgotten what to do. He managed a small smile. It took a moment for both of us to get our hands in the right places. He pulled me on top of him in bed.

I stayed still for a moment, trying to gauge what he would let me do and how far we could go. As he parted his legs and rolled his hips up into me I realized he was ready and willing to do anything. So I went for it. Maybe this could fix what was broken between us.

Derek shuddered into my hand as I put it over his cock. He was almost instantly hard. I watched his face as he bit back a moan. With each stroke of my hand he grew more and more unhinged, his head thrashing side to side and his hands grabbing at me to try to get more skin on skin contact.

This moment was teetering on the edge of complete ecstasy. I didn’t want it to end so soon. Derek seemed like he was willing to go along with it. For the most part he hadn’t started the changing that usually heralded his loss of control. His eyes flickered between red and green. As my stroking intensified he tried to pull himself up to kiss me. I wouldn’t let him. He closed his eyes and I thought he might be about to change in frustration. So I relented. Our lips met, then opened for each other. At the same time our tongues were sliding over each other I intensified my strokes on his cock until I could feel his fangs start to grow.

I pulled my mouth away from his and then bit down on his neck. Derek went completely rigid and came into my hand. His cum laid hot and sticky on his chest. We both were breathing heavily. His eyes had gone completely red. I wiped his chest off as best I could with a washcloth. He grabbed my neck and forced me to look at him. I could feel the points of his claws pinching my flesh.

"What?" I asked.

He clamped his legs around me and rubbed against me. "Fuck me." It was a command, not a suggestion. A thousand thoughts whirled through my head. My body chose for me and pinned him back down to the mattress. Everything grew blurred and hazy as we moved together. I ran my hands all over his body, trying to reclaim that heady rush of sensation that had been our first attempts at this.

The lube was cold in my hand so I waited a few moments before trailing a finger along his entrance. He had a hard time waiting for me to do more. I could feel his claws dragging along my back. They dragged enough for me to know they were there but not enough to hurt. While I licked his throat I pushed my finger inside him. He jerked and arched his back toward me. At the same time I bit down on his neck. He held onto me tighter, his hands clutching each other on my back.

I took advantage of the opportunity and added another finger. It took a moment to find the spot but once I found it he hissed in pleasure and let his head fall back. I kept on stretching him until I was able to fit three fingers inside. He pushed back against me ferociously. I could see he was fighting as hard as he could against changing completely.

I had to slow down for a moment and catch my breath. Watching him collapse like this was making me even harder. It was difficult to resist holding him down and having my way with him. The slower pace was starting to make Derek impatient. "Come on Stiles, don’t do this!" he whined. I felt his claws on my back again but he didn’t bear down with them.

"I don’t want to end this yet," I spat out. I fumbled for the condom and tried to maintain my self control long enough to get it on correctly. It didn’t help that he was making almost animalistic sounds in the back of his throat. I settled myself at his entrance and waited for him to relax a little before thrusting forward.

He held me tighter and tried to pull me deeper. It took all the strength I had to go slowly. No matter what he said I didn’t want to hurt him. But I was no match for werewolf strength and he pulled me down into him as if he was drowning.

Derek pulled my head down for a kiss. It grounded me and reminded me that he could be tender, that he did care about me. So I went as slow as I could, making each thrust last an eternity. My body hummed with possibility, all of my senses focused on him. The feeling of his stubble against my lips, the sound of his breath against my ear, the sheets underneath my legs. His eyes burned into mine-I was drowning in red.

As we both approached oblivion we grabbed onto each other as if we would be ripped apart if we didn’t. I couldn’t hold off any longer. My orgasm exploded through me, a hot rush of euphoria through my veins. He was still on the precipice about to take the plunge. His claws gripped onto my back as he rocked desperately against me. The pain mixed with the pleasure and if I could have come again I would have.

Instead he did.

It took an eternity to return to earth. My lungs gasped for air. I laid down on top of him. He kept his arms around me. "Are you okay?"  I asked when I had the breath to do so. It didn’t look like anything had been reopened by all the exertion.

He kept his head in the crook of my neck. "I’m fine. Everything’s good." His fingers traced the gashes he’d left on my back. The claws had gone. "Are you alright?"

My back was on fire with pain. I must have winced when I moved because he was all over me instantly trying to see if I was okay. He was the only one allowed to suffer alone.

We wound up in the shower trying to clean off all our sins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day he took me into the woods. There was something he had to show me. He led me deep beyond where the trails ended and all the trappings of civilization were far behind. Here it was quiet and dark. The trees had sealed out the sun as much as they could and only a few stray beams made it through to the forest floor. There was an unwelcome chill in the air and everything was covered in dew.

After we had walked for an hour or so we came to an open area. For a moment I thought he had brought me here for a romantic rendezvous. However as we walked into the clearing I recognized the signs. They were the same as they had been in Beacon Hills. A huge creature had passed through and left a trail of destruction in its wake. There was an almost completely round area where something had knocked down all the trees and bushes and pushed them flat against the ground.

"I found this yesterday," Derek said quietly. He picked his way through the fallen trees and flattened plants. I tried to follow him. There were more footprints in the dirt like there had been in Beacon Hills. Underneath all of the chaos I noticed the remains of a campfire. Whatever had been here had crossed over and over the logs until only ashes remained.

We stayed apart looking at the scene for a few minutes. Finally he walked back toward me. "I thought it was gone," he said. His face was a perfect mask of indifference. Only a slight twitch in his jaw betrayed his true concern.

"Do you think it came here because there was a fire?" I asked. It was so damp and cold perhaps it had tried to get to what little warmth it could before moving on.

"Maybe." He shifted halfway and started examining the area again. I let him do it while trying to stay out of his way. In the meantime I tried to search on my phone for anything that might be attracted to heat and light. Nothing. He came up beside me. "Do you think we can come back later and try to find it?" There was an air of desperation in his voice.

I considered the question for a moment. Neither of us was in any shape for a confrontation. Maybe things would be okay if we set up a trap and watched from a distance. "If we watch from far away it should be okay. So no heroics, understand? I don’t want to go through this again."

He looked pained for a moment but nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After it grew dark we went back to the clearing. We divided up the supplies we’d brought between us. Derek got to work starting the fire. I busied myself setting up the blind we would be hiding in. I finished before him and watched as he expertly got the fire started. If he had any reservations about it because of what had happened to his family he didn’t let them show.

Then he made his way back to me. We huddled together in the blind. Earlier we’d talked about how to act. He’d repeated over and over that I needed to be as quiet as possible, that he couldn’t protect me if the creature decided to attack. Admitting that had been hard for him. He’d barely looked at me since we’d decided to do this. Now I was paranoid about every breath I took. He was completely silent.

I held his hand while we waited. Derek clutched back, stronger than I expected. We did not look at each other.

The moon wasn’t full and only cast a weak light down on the clearing. Flames sparked and crackled in the darkness. I could barely see anything outside the clearing. My heart was in my throat. This was a horrible idea. I hadn’t told Scott or my dad what we’d be doing and if anything happened no one would come for us.  I started to shift positions but he stopped me.

The temperature had started to drop. I could see my breath. There was a large looming presence on the outside of the ring. It made no noise. There were brief flashes of light reflecting off what I assumed were its eyes. They were high up, taller than any human. For a brief moment there was the glimpse of teeth, all too many of them.

"We need to get out of here," I whispered. He shook his head and pushed my hand into the ground.

The creature moved forward into the light. It was almost as tall as the trees, a furry blob that was almost as wide as three people standing together. Leaves crackled as it shuffled along the forest floor. It was a greyish color, with small beady eyes and a mouth full of sharp teeth. It had huge claws that could have torn Derek and I apart. The chill followed the creature, leaving frost on the trees and freezing the leaves beneath its feet. It continued to creep toward the campfire.

Derek whispered in my ear. "When it touches the fire don’t move." How could I?

Before I could brace myself it had reached the fire and the whole clearing went dark. I had to stifle a scream. The creature howled in loss and I could hear it scrambling around trying to touch the spot where the fire had been. Eventually it grew so frustrated that it stormed off through the trees. It came so close I could have reached out and touched it. I could hear trees and leaves falling in the distance.

Derek held me down until it had been gone for quite some time. I could hear him trying to catch its scent. Finally he let me up and gave me a flashlight. "It’s gone."

We slowly made out way down to the fire. It was now completely out. A fine layer of frost coated the ground where the creature had been. It was melting with the sudden change in temperature. "What was that?!!" I demanded.

"I don’t know," he said, sweeping his flashlight over the clearing.

"Are you sure that’s what attacked you?"

Derek nodded. "I didn't really remember much until yesterday. Someone was camping in the preserve and hadn’t put their fire out all the way. I wanted to make sure it didn’t start a wildfire." He paused, looking off into the darkness. "Before I knew it that thing was on me, trying to push and pull me out of the way. I didn’t know what it was so I changed and tried to fight it. It knocked me down. Then it went to the fire. That’s what it wanted all along. I was just in its way." His voice cracked. "The fire went out as soon as it touched it. That just made it angry and it came back and tried to tear me apart. I don’t know why it stopped." The flashlight beam caught the trail it had left into the woods.

I didn’t really know what to say. "Do you think it’s going to come back?"

He shook his head. "There’s no more fire here. I think it wanted to get warm."

I stepped over to the gap the creature had created in the trees. It seemed like it went on forever, especially since it had gotten so dark. My flashlight barely penetrated further than a few feet in front of me.

Derek grabbed me hand. "We should leave."

"But what if it comes back? What if it hurts someone else?"

"We can’t stop it! Were you paying attention?!" he yelled, trying to pull me away. "Let’s go back to the hotel. There’s nothing else we can do now."


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

As we walked through the forest back to the car I had plenty of time to think about what had happened. Derek didn’t say anything and seemed more concerned about getting me out of the forest than making conversation.

I could barely see anything. I’d taken his hand so he could help me navigate the near total darkness. The moon and stars were shining bright in the night sky but it was impossible to tell through the masses of tree branches embracing above us. My flashlight didn’t make much of a difference and eventually he told me to turn it off because it was making it harder for him to see. So I found myself putting my complete trust in him.

I used the time to think of a way to make sure that the creature didn’t hurt anyone else. Usually this would be when I called Scott and we brainstormed something together, but I felt like he wouldn’t have any better ideas than leaving it alone. There was something sad about a creature that was constantly looking for light and warmth but could never find it. And when it did catch a brief glimpse of it everything fell to pieces.

Derek pulled me to the side as I almost walked into a tree branch. "Be careful," he snapped. I made a face at his back but didn’t say anything. He was practically pulling me through the forest in his rush to get away from the creature. There was something frantic about his behavior.

Eventually the sky started to lighten and the lights in the parking lot became visible. Derek relaxed a little, though he kept on looking back into the woods. He barely let me get into the car before he accelerated off toward the hotel. I didn’t say anything. So I wound up watching the scenery go by and trying to finish up my plan to deal with the creature.

He didn’t say anything until we got back to the hotel room and locked the door. "I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t want anything to happen to you." He flopped down on the bed.

I laid down next to him. After a little fumbling I held his hand. "I don’t want anything to happen to you either."

We both wound up passing out in exhaustion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight filtered in through the window and woke me in the morning. I pulled myself away from Derek and went to clean up. By the time I was done he was still sleeping so I worked on trying to figure out how to get the creature to leave without hurting anyone else. I didn’t think Derek would want to have anything more to do with it. Maybe I should have felt the same way. It had tried to kill my boyfriend after all. And yet it had only done it to touch something that it couldn’t have. The thought of a creature that couldn’t touch the thing that it desired most resonated with me.

Derek stirred in bed. If I explained it to him surely he’d understand. I wrote down a list of things we’d need in order for my plan to work. Thankfully they wouldn’t be very expensive. This trip had already sapped more of my savings than I should have spent.

"What’re you doing?" he asked out of the blue. He had rolled over on his side and was looking at me. I hadn’t turned on any lights and had kept the shades mostly closed. It was hard to see him in the darkness. I knew he could see me perfectly.

"Making a shopping list." There wasn’t any point in hiding it.

"For what? We’re going home tonight aren’t we?" He wasn’t quite awake yet and could barely keep his eyes open.

"I want to go back to the woods tonight. I have an idea about how to take care of the creature."

That got him awake. He jerked up out of the bed and stormed at me. "You have a plan to what?!"

The key to handling Derek when he was like this was to act as if it didn’t bother me. "I’m going to give the creature what it wants."

"So you’re going to set the forest on fire?" He made a fist and banged it against the wall. "That thing is dangerous and I don’t want you to get hurt." He winced. "I don’t want to get hurt again."

"It scared you, didn’t it? I didn’t think anything scared you!"

He had pressed himself up against the wall by where I was sitting and was slowly sliding to the floor. "It almost killed me Stiles. I can’t...I don’t want to see it again."

I got up and walked over to him. "You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I can handle it."

He reached a hand out for me. I took it. "I can’t protect you if you do this," he said. His eyes were pleading with me to reconsider.

"You don’t have to protect me," I said. "It’s not going to hurt me. I’m going to give it what it wants."

At that point he knew there was no changing my mind. He let me help him up. "Tell me what the plan is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a few hours to round up everything we needed. Once I’d told Derek that it didn’t involve setting the forest on fire he was a lot more open to it. He also realized that I was going to do it no matter what he said or did.

There were a couple of hours left until sunset. We didn’t speak about how to spend the time remaining to us. It sort of fell into place on its own. Maybe it started when I saw his shirt ride up and expose part of his back when he bent down to get the lighter fluid. Maybe it started when he saw me reaching for a lantern on the top shelf.

However it happened, by the time we got back to the hotel we were all over each other. The looming specter of death had overshadowed us all and made us cognizant of just how little time might be left. He pushed me down into the mattress by laying his whole body on top of me. I stared up into the ceiling as he kissed my neck. The thought that this could be the last time we’d do this was a lingering thought at the back of my head. He noticed and pulled to the side.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I’ll be okay. I’m thinking about tonight."

A slight frown crossed his face. "Your plan is going to work. Don’t think about that now."

I had to laugh at that. DEREK of all people was telling me not to worry. I kissed him then, kissed him as if I could never stop. He didn’t do anything back. Finally I resorted to pushing on his shoulder to try and flip him over. Nothing. He was solid and immovable. I knew he’d never move unless he let me. Eventually he relented and I forced him over onto his back. Then I straddled him. He had a smile on his face that lit up the whole room. I loved moments like this when he didn’t think too much-when he didn’t dwell on things. That was when I could push him to do just about anything with no complaint.

I slipped my hand underneath his shirt. His skin was so warm and at my touch a shiver ran through his body. At the same time he was running his hands over my back trying to push us closer together. I wanted nothing more than to have this moment last forever. Even with imminent disaster looming over our heads I wouldn’t have traded this feeling for the world.

Time passed in an instant however, and we were soon naked and drowning in the feeling of each other’s skin. Derek was sitting on top of me. A few moments ago he’d guided my cock into himself. It had been torture feeling each inch slowly slide inside him. Even so it was a torture I could have endured over and over.

He had his hands propped on the bed right on either side of my head. The mattress sagged as he moved up and down on my cock. I had my hands on his hips trying to keep him to a steady pace instead of long agonizingly slow strokes that went nowhere.

When I first tried to touch his cock he pushed my hand away. Still that was a while ago, when he hadn’t started to turn and he’d been able to open his eyes and look at me. Now he was almost too far gone into himself to know what was going on other than the feeling of up and down-pleasure never-ending. His eyes flashed red for the brief moment I saw them open. I could barely keep my own open but I couldn’t miss the almost hypnotizing sight of seeing him so open and unreserved.

I took a chance and started to move my hand toward his cock again. It was hard and leaking. My fingers touched it gently before grabbing on firmly. The sound of the sheets ripping on either side of my head made me flinch and lose my grip. His claws were inches away from my face. It took a moment for him to notice and he moved them away quickly. He leaned down and kissed me, mumbling apologies into my mouth. I couldn’t answer, I was concentrating on my breathing. The air didn’t seem like it was reaching my lungs. And still I forced myself to reach out for his cock again. I touched him again. A low whine sounded at the back of his throat. He stopped moving for a moment, caught up in his own rising pleasure.

I stroked his cock harder, sloppily trying to get him to the same point I was at. My hands wouldn’t do exactly what I wanted. He moved his hands next to me and it almost seemed like he wanted to touch me more but he didn’t trust himself. His eyes were closed and he moved slowly on top of me, raising and lowering himself on top of me, panting hard with each thrust.

It all came to a head a moment or so later, he hissed and bared his fangs and then came. All the muscles in his body contracted in one last gasp. That brought me over the edge and I came with a strangled moan. He went almost boneless and laid down on top of me.

We laid in silence. The afternoon sun shone in through gaps in the blinds. I could see cars coming and going in the parking lot. And behind them the ever present forest lurked.

Derek slid off of me finally and slumped next to me in bed. He joined me in looking out the window. If I had wanted platitudes or declarations of love I knew that he wouldn’t give me any. I would have found it hard to say anything myself. "When do we have to go?" he asked after an eternity of silence.

Time seemed to be omnipresent, the ticking of the clock above the broken television heralded the passing minutes. "When it starts to get darker. Then we can set it up and be ready for night fall."

After a few more minutes Derek got up slowly and walked to the bathroom. "I’m going to take a shower," he said. "You should too." He smiled at me. I practically jumped up to join him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later we walked back to the clearing in the woods. Nothing had changed from yesterday. It was harder to tell what was different when viewed in the daylight. The trampled trees and campfire remains were still there but now looked like they’d been there forever. It almost made me stop to reconsider whether or not I’d seen the creature last night at all.

Derek dropped most of the supplies down at the edge of the clearing and then made sure I had all the things that I needed. "You’re sure you want to do this," he said, holding on to my hand. I looked away. He held on until I met his eyes again. "Because we don’t have to do this. It’s not going to hurt anyone else."

I looked at him then, hoping that I seemed more confident than I actually felt. "I want to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. I think this is the only way."

Derek let go slowly, finger by finger, and we started to set things up. It took longer than I thought to get everything ready. We’d made trails of lighter fluid that led to a large round glass vase that I’d found. I filled it with hand warmers and a lantern, so it was both hot and bright. I sealed it all inside the bowl with duct tape and cardboard, hoping and praying that it would hold. When I was finished I set it in the middle of the clearing almost directly on top of where the campfire had been.

Night was advancing rapidly. The clearing was growing darker with each passing moment. Derek and I had been using flashlights to guide ourselves around but once everything was set up we turned them off. All that remained was the faint light coming from the bowl. It gave off an otherworldly glow. We found our way back to each other and moved to the same hiding place as before.

"Do you think it’ll come tonight?" I whispered to him. His eyes had changed color as he strained to see through the darkness.

"I can’t tell. It feels like something’s out there but I can’t tell exactly where."

"Maybe you should set the flares now," I whispered, "Draw it in."

Derek nodded and then kissed me. It was all that I could have wanted for a goodbye kiss, deep and warm. "I’ll be right back." He disappeared into the night.

I stayed where I was and tried not to make any noise. The forest was almost completely silent. There was only the faint sound of leaves blowing in the wind. There weren’t that many stars out and the light only shown briefly through gaps in the trees. I tried to listen as hard as I could for him but no matter how hard I strained my ears I couldn’t hear anything.

All of a sudden the ground was suddenly alight. Flares appeared on either side of the starting point for the lighter fluid. It only took moments for the lighter fluid to burst into flames. Flames spread along the lines we’d created, drawing the eye to the glowing glass vase. The flames rose higher and higher, lighting the edges of the clearing and making it seem like we were all surrounded by looming shadows that would consume us.

Derek didn’t come back. As the minutes ticked by I started to get paranoid. Why didn’t he come back? Had something stopped him? Had the creature caught him again? Or was he paralyzed with fear?

I almost didn’t notice when something stepped into the clearing. I had to bite down on my hand to keep from screaming. Even though I’d seen it before nothing could have prepared me to see the creature again. Its slow moving hulking form shuffled along the ground trailing steps over the fire trails.

Each step it made put out a little more of the fire, releasing smoke and making it hard to see. Its gleaming eyes were almost manic in its desire. That horrifying mouth was open and its tongue dangled out, flapping with each step. It wanted to get to the source of the fire no matter the cost.

It took ages for it to actually reach the bowl and even then I wasn’t sure if it would take the bait. The creature seemed more interested in stepping on all of the fire. The clearing was filling with the smell of ash and burning. I had to stifle a coughing fit.

Then, after a few minutes of it frantically rushing to touch every last corner of the clearing that might have had the memory of being aflame, the fire finally was out. All that was left was the glowing vase. The creature finally noticed it and started to advance toward it. It touched the vase hesitantly. I thought the vase might shatter when the heat and cold collided but it seemed like the creature could touch it. I watched as it shifted it with its claws to get a better grip. The vase teetered ominously, the creature’s claws slipped on the glass. I wasn’t sure if it would hold. It was making a horrendous noise that almost sounded like laughter. It held the vase close to its chest and swayed from side to side. The glow from the vase gave its face a sinister glow. I was suddenly aware of just how many sharp teeth it had in its mouth.

That joy only lasted a few moments. Smoke and water dripped from the creature’s hands and it was starting to cry out in either agony or frustration. Its eyes were scanning the outskirts of the clearing in almost a frenzy. The slow shuffling gave way to a frantic sort of dancing as it bounded around the open space. The light spun around so fast making it seem like the fire had come back to life.

I pushed myself onto the ground as much as I could. Everything was going dark as the creature covered the vase with its hands. The creature held on to the vase tighter and tighter even as the heat was burning it away. It howled in what I thought was pain but could have been happiness. The smoke and steam started to overwhelm everything. It was hard to see what was going on. The only light came from the vase and was filtered through the creatures claws. I had to put my jacket sleeve over my mouth to keep from choking.

Suddenly it let out a great howl, equal parts pain and pleasure, and then was gone. The clearing filled with a foul smelling grey vapor that obscured everything. I almost wanted to cry. All I’d wanted to do was set it free and keep other people from getting hurt. Instead I’d killed it. And where was Derek?

A figure fought through the vapor with its arm over its face. It stopped and examined the spot where the creature had been. "Stiles, you can come out! It’s gone!" Derek called out, then he bent over coughing.

I tried to pull myself up and walk to him but found that my hands had frozen in the dirt and I had to remember how to let go. When I got to my feet I walked over to him wobbling like a newborn foal.

Once I got to his side we grabbed hold of each other and hugged as hard as we could. There was nothing left of the creature, just a broken glass vase, a few dozen handwarmers, and a lantern with broken glass. Everything was covered with wet ash. Whether it was from the creature or from what it had destroyed was impossible to tell.

"We killed it." I said finally. My voice cracked. The thought sat in my stomach. I don’t even know why I felt bad about it. How much did the creature even know about what it was doing?

To his credit Derek didn’t say anything. He could have, he could have piled on the guilt by reminding me that it was all my idea. We could have gone away and left it alone. Instead we had destroyed it. I didn’t know if I could forgive myself for what I’d done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek drove us back to Beacon Hill. Ordinarily I didn’t let anyone else drive my Jeep but I couldn’t really face doing anything that required more concentration than putting one foot in front of the other. We didn’t speak to each other the entire time. The road continued off into eternity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we got back to Beacon Hills I had Derek leave me and the Jeep at my dad’s house. I needed some space and time away from him. It wasn’t like before-when I couldn’t touch him without seeing him bloody and bruised-now I just wanted to get away from myself. And I think on some level he knew it wasn’t because of anything he’d done. I kissed him when he left, a normal regular kiss, and he held my hand as long as possible before walking away.

"I’ll call you tomorrow," he said. I watched him walk away until he disappeared into the forest and was gone. There were many words that had to be said between us but now wasn’t the time.

My dad didn’t say much of anything when I first came in. He was generally of the opinion that I would talk when I needed to and that was all I needed. I went to my room and put up some of the clothes that I’d brought and sat down on my bed. Everything in my room felt like it belonged to someone else. It was all either too big or too small for me. It felt like I hadn’t been here in ages.

After about an hour or so my dad came up and sat next to me. He looked like he wasn’t quite sure whether or not he really wanted to talk to me at all, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. "So am I right to assume that things didn’t go right on your vacation?" he said, leaning forward to try and get me to look at him.

I met his eyes once and then looked away. "Have you ever really wanted to do something right but had it turn out wrong?" I asked. The question was stupid, of course he had. Everyone had those moments where good intentions went bad.

"Stiles, did you hurt someone?" His whole attitude started to switch from concerned father to sheriff interrogating a suspect. Now I definitely couldn’t look at him.

"Sort of. There was a monster that really wanted to touch something hot so it could be warm. Derek and I gave it what it wanted. But it destroyed itself." When I said it like that he didn’t really sound that bad at all. Why did it still hurt so much?

"A monster?" he said, scratching his head. Over the years he’d become a lot more accepting of how strange my life had become. "Did it hurt anyone?"

I had to cough to get the lump out of my throat. "Yeah, it hurt Derek. And it could have hurt someone else."

"So you set it on fire?!"

"No! Well it wouldn’t have mattered because if it touched fire it put it out. We set something up so it could actually touch something warm. And it melted. But then it kind of seemed like it wanted to." Brief flashes of the strange dance the creature had done flashed before my eyes.

My dad stared at me with narrowed eyes for a while. "It sounds like maybe you gave it what it wanted. I wouldn’t hold that against you." He patted me on the shoulder. "What did Derek say about it?"

"We haven’t really talked about it." It was possible Derek wouldn’t think about it the same way that I did.

"Maybe you should." He got up and looked out my window. "I don’t know if that made you feel any better."

It really didn’t but I managed a weak smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek was still asleep when I let myself into his apartment later. If Isaac and Peter were there they didn’t come out of their rooms to see who it was. Most of the lights were off except for one underneath the cabinets in the kitchen. Unless I was there they usually didn’t turn on any extra lights, it was easier for them to see that way.

He hadn’t set up the screen around his bed so I could see a vague outline of his sleeping form lying there. While the scars had faded and disappeared I think he still wasn’t back to his full strength or else he would have woken up as soon as I’d come in.

"Derek?" I asked, stepping closer. He stirred, blinking his eyes a few times before rolling over to look at me.

"Stiles?" he asked blearily. "I thought you were staying at your dad’s."He pulled down the covers and made room for me next to him in bed. The brief glimpse I had of his body was a white expanse. He was naked. I shrugged off my jacket and kicked off my shoes before getting in bed with him. Once I was underneath the covers I took off the rest of my clothes. I could feel his eyes on me as he watched lazily. He didn’t say or do anything as I started to run my hands all over his body, coaxing responses out of him that he wasn’t able to fully control.

Derek was still groggy with sleep and he didn’t resist as I rolled him over onto his back. As I cupped his cock with my hand he jerked completely awake and his eyes fastened on me. A slow smile had settled on his face and he gladly let me climb on top of him. Maybe we should have talked about things first. Right now I needed to feel like I was grounded, like we were grounded.

I smiled as Derek put his legs on either side of me and let me lower myself down on top of him. I pulled the covers up over us making a cocoon against the outside. Our cocks touched briefly and sprang to life. He didn’t protest as I kissed him, harsh open mouthed kisses that threatened to destroy us. His fangs caught on my lips and I tasted the sharp metallic bite of blood. I didn’t let him mutter any apologies, instead I wheedled moans out from his throat.

During a lull in the action I snatched the lube and a condom from his bedside table. He grunted in discomfort as I started to stretch him with my fingers. His claws rasped along my back. For a moment I almost wanted him to tear me apart. I had the thing I wanted most and it would destroy me. I moved my fingers in and out of him while kissing him slowly, hoping to loosen him up. After a minute or so of this he grabbed hold of me with his legs and rocked against me-all but begging me to continue. And I obliged, slowly removing my fingers and replacing them with my cock. His legs locked behind me and he pushed himself against me.

I kept things slow, letting each stroke flow through me and into him. He matched my pace, not pushing me to go faster for once. I settled into a steady rhythm, in and out, in and out. The brief glimpse I had of his eyes revealed they were still their true color. He was fighting the change as best he could. In truth I welcomed the pain he could cause when he was turned. I loved the feeling of his claws and fangs pinching my skin and breaking through it when he lost control. I would never tell him that though. If I did he might never let me touch him again.

Derek was whispering desperate pleas into my ear. Half of the words I couldn’t understand, the rest were variations on a theme. So I stopped right when it seemed like we both were going to explode. I swear he almost sobbed in loss. Carefully I prodded him over onto his hands and knees. He moved quickly, breathing heavily in a haze of pleasure. I kissed his tattoo and then traced its outline with my tongue. He scrabbled for purchase in the sheets as I entered him again and continued the same pace we’d been keeping before.

His claws were threatening to shred the sheets underneath us. Instead he made his hands into fists, the claws making marks in his flesh. I gripped his thighs as tightly as I could. I lost myself in the feeling of him around me. Eventually he lost control of himself completely and dissolved in a howl beneath my touch. He came first. It took me a few more thrusts to join him.

We slowly pulled away from each other, savoring the long slide apart. We cleaned each other off as best we could. He pulled me closer and rested his head against my neck. I grabbed him back. "So why didn’t you stay with your dad?" he asked eventually. Our breathing had long since returned to normal and the room was starting to feel cold again. I pulled the sheets and comforter tightly around us.

I took a while to think about my answer. "I needed to talk to someone uninvolved about what happened."

"You’re still thinking about the creature, aren’t you?" Derek’s breath against my neck was a spot of heat in the chill.

"I guess I felt kind of guilty that we killed it." His grip around me tightened.

"What did your dad say about it?"

"He said that it was probably a good thing that it happened the way it did. It might have hurt someone else."

I could feel Derek nodding against me. "I think he’s right," he said. "Try not to feel bad about it. For a moment there I almost thought it was happy."

"Yeah, it did seem that way. We’re just lucky it didn’t try to kill us." We held on to each other so tightly it almost started to hurt. A little of the guilt that had descended upon me started to leave.

"I’m glad that we can do this again," he said a few minutes later. His voice echoed in the nearly empty room. I thought he’d already gone to sleep.

There were a thousand things I could have said in response but they wouldn’t have come out right. I settled for kissing him deeply and burrowing next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The creature is loosely based on the Groke from the Moomin stories by Tove Jansson


End file.
